So, he finally decided to drop the bomb. He is leaving the family which means you are probably going to end up as the kids’ sole parent. He might even console you that he would not neglect his paternal responsibilities to your kids but don’t take his word for it.
The moment he steps out of the door, he basically freed himself with whatever care for the family he should have stood and fought for. The harsh truth is this; You are all by yourself. And if it was indeed dropped like a bomb, you are probably caught off-guard. Sure, you might have an idea that he was cheating on the side but it was out of your imagination that he would entirely leave your family for the other woman.
As understandable it is for you to suffer a breakdown, this is the time that you have to be the strongest. No one could pick you up; not your children, not your parents, not your friends and most definitely, not another new relationship. They would definitely help, but only YOU could pick yourself up. But if you are crawling yourself back up.
Here are some useful tips and notes that you should consider:
1. Give yourself some time to mope
The moment he steps out of the door, he basically freed himself with whatever care for the family he should have stood and fought for
You are woman who trusted a man who promised to take care of you and your kids for the rest of your life. Once upon a time, you were so in-love. The feeling of betrayal by the person you loved would be one of the most painful thing in the world. Give yourself some time to cry. Either with a friend, a parent or alone, allow yourself to express that emotion. Suppressing it would never help you because you would find yourself breaking down in uncontrolled moments (e.g. while shopping at the grocery store, at work) so it is so much better to cry your heart out. But do give yourself some limit until when you should end the moping stage.
2. Settle legal matters
The perfect time to settle legal matters would be a day or two after the break-up. Either it is an alimony or child support, you would most definitely have the advantage of making the call if he has just ended it. He would still somehow feel guilty, almost readily agreeing with the figures you would demand.(Or he just wants to get it over quickly.) Whatever his reasons are, be quick to recognize this submissive stage and demand the most for you and your kids.You might have an idea that he was cheating on the side but it was out of your imagination that he would entirely leave your family for the other womanDuring this time, you might also feel prideful and readily reject his offer of child support thinking that he is just buying his way out. The truth is, you would just make it easy for him if you would let him off child support or alimony. Men like him should not be allowed to just spawn without suffering the consequences of their obligations. Be wise about it. No matter how much you can afford it, the least you could make him bear is to make him pay financially.
Do not forget to consult legal counsels and make every document on the record. Be wary that the guilty phase would wear off after a few weeks or months and he would almost immediately draw out his side of the agreement so be sure you are one step ahead of the legal process.
3. Ask for some help
Being a single parent would be much different and more difficult than what you have encountered before. Even if you had an unreliable spouse, the feeling of being responsible for every decision and action for the family is a heavy burden. Do not be ashamed to ask for help from family and friends. They most certainly love you and they would understand what you are going through. You just have to admit that you are at your lowest low and acknowledge that plenty of hands are there to help you. Even so, most countries have laws and projects that would help single parents like you. Take advantage of these resources. You would need some support to be able to come back up.4. Talk to your kids
Only you know your kids the most but nevertheless, be extra careful when dealing with them. You might have a broken heart but you would mend in the future but the effects of a broken home might bring burden to your kids for the rest of their lives. If you think it is necessary to bring them to a professional, by all means do. But they would mostly want to hear the truth from you. Avoid bad-mouthing your ex-husband because he is still their father. Do not let them harbor hate but shower them with more love. You also need to be sensitive with their age and how much they do and do not yet understand.No one could pick you up; not your children, not your parents, not your friends and most definitely, not another new relationship
5. Keep in mind, “This too shall pass”
It would be hard for the first few weeks or months. Try to live one day at a time first. When you fell down, the steps might be wobbly at the start but you would find yourself running again in a matter of time. The power of a positive mind is remarkable. Fill yourself with positive thoughts. Make this experience shape you into a better person. Take this as a challenge and beat it.Breaking up was never easy. If you were single, you could loaf for months and years. You could hide from the world and lick your wounds. But breaking up with kids is totally a different story. You are now accountable for much more than yourself. Nevertheless, you would be able to brave through this. Just keep a straight head and think positive, you would be out of the dumps in no time.
